Hello Everyone. Today I’m reviewing Fifty Shade of Grey by E.L. James.
AND CURSING A LOT OF CURSING
ALSO I DO TALK THE RELATIONSHIP IN THIS BOOK
IF YOU THINK THAT IT COULD TRIGGING FOR YOU THEN PLEASE LEAVE
F: Wasn’t a good read and a was a waste of time. Characters were dulled and annoying and so was the plot line.
“Why don’t you like to be touched?”
“Because I’m fifty shades of fucked-up, Anastasia”
Yes. I read this book. I read this book because I’m doing a post about romance books and I thought to myself maybe I should read the book that has the biggest controversy about the relationship. Before I start this review I would just like to say that I do not support anything in this book and if you claim that I support anything in this book then fuck you. I went into this book, not knowing what to expect. I mean I know details about this book such as the relationship, the names of the characters, the fact that this was a Twilight fanfiction, and the fact that is about ‘BDSM’ and it does not show BDSM correctly. I didn’t know if I was going to hate because there have been a lot of series that I thought I didn’t like but I ended up liking them. That wasn’t the case with this book.
Fifty Shades of Grey has a lot of flaws and they are really hard to ignore. I tired but I just couldn’t get like it. I listened to the audiobook *fun experience by the way and I read the book because I had to go back and take my notes. Even though this book is terrible the audiobook is funny because the narrator sounds so done with everything and sarcastic and I found it really funny. For a while but then it gets more terrible as it goes along and I wanted to die! In the beginning parts of this book are funny like the writing, the fact that it is a lot like Twilight, and the way the characters but then they come up some many times that it gets old and I’m wishing that it was more original content and that writing wasn’t so shitty and that the characters were better!!!
For the people who don’t believe when I tell them it’s Twilight fanfic then you clearly haven’t read this book. You’ll see in my notes which are listened at the bottom of the review then you will see me talk about Twilight a lot *you will also see that I will get angrier because this book is terrible and that is because it’s basically an aged up, modern versions without vampires, Twilight. They don’t even try to change it. Maybe it’s because I read this right after I finished re reading Twilight so I see more of the comparison but I still. At first it was funny but then I got annoyed about how unoriginal it is. It’s bad. While reading this book I had this thought which was how come people make a bigger deal about this book then they did Twilight? It’s basically like this Twilight takes place in a fictional world while Fifty Shades takes place in the real world. Twilight has vampires and werewolves and it can be as stupid as it wants to be and that’s okay because it’s fictional world. Fifty Shades on the other takes place in the real world and when it does stupid shit, it offends real people.
With Twilight you can’t offend vampires they aren’t real but Fifty Shades makes BDSM look terrible and bad and the thing is BDSM is real and people do it. E.L. James makes BDSM look abusive which according to the research I did on BDSM it isn’t. In real life if you do BDSM both parties are into it and they probably aren’t going it because they have mom issues, they are most likely doing it because they want to get off. Ana isn’t into anything that happens in this book, I mean she gives consent which matters but she is only into Christian. Also you cannot force what you are into onto anyone. Just saying. There are also some lines where there is slut shaming, homophobia, and it sort of felt at moments it tried to erase asexuality. That may have just been me but at some moments it sure felt like that.
Let’s talk about the characters for a second. Ana is basically a fourteen year old girl. She acts younger then she really is. I’m not kidding. She is basically a teenage girl dreaming about getting fucked by a guy. How am I supposed to believe that she is 21? There is one scene where she is talking about how she has never gotten drunk before and the statement is the thing I have a problem with as some people don’t like drinking or don’t drink at all but the way it’s write makes it seem like Ana is a young girl under the drinking age going out with her much older friends. She acts like a teenager in her first relationship for the first half of the book. It’s so annoying. Ana is also really judgmental about the people in her life like when she sees her friend dancing with a guy she just met and she starts thinking about how Kate barely knows him and how she needs to go tell her to be safe and that she is stupid because she is going to get her heart broken. Her friend is a grown woman who can take care of herself and she allowed to do whatever she wants. She is even judgmental towards her mom at some points and it’s just rude.
I also had a hard time believing that she was an English Major or that she was smart as she knows she has the interview but she just doesn’t do anything research. We don’t know when Kate got sick or when she asked Ana to do the interview but still I imagine at some point she has time to look up who the hell she is interviewing. She uses the word subconscious incorrectly like she uses to talk about this voice in her mind that sort slut shames her or tells her the things that Christian does isn’t cool. That’s not what subconscious means!!!
“My subconscious is furious, medusa-like in her anger, hair flying, her hands clenched around her face like Edvard Munch’s Scream.”
A lot of the reasons I hate Ana is because of the writing, mainly the writing is why she is such an awful character. Let me just tell you though I wanted to punch her in the face because she is just the worse. She knows everything that Christian is doing is stalkery and creepy and she just brushes it because he is hot. You are probably thinking that I’m just overreacting but I’m not. It’s a thing. She also gets mad at him a lot and just continually goes along with him and she is so annoying! Ana is also turned on by almost anything Christian does. They touch fingers at one point and she acts like she just had an orgasm. There is a scene where she uses his toothbrush and she talks about how she feels naughty and how she loves how the brussels feel against her teeth and I’m just sitting here reading this thinking about HOW PEOPLE REALLY LIKE THIS BOOK AND FIND IT HOT!!!
Christian is mainly the worst part of the book, I mean the writing is also really bad. He is so abusive and controlling and I hate him so much. He completely ignores what Ana wants. He buys her things that she doesn’t even want them and his reason for doing so is simply because he can even though really he is just trying to use his money to win her over. The book tries to give him this hard back story so that the reason is like this makes it okay but it doesn’t. Yes what happened to him is terrible but it doesn’t make up for what he is doing. He also barely has understand of what BDSM is like which is mainly the authors fault for just going off a small summary of what BDSM is. He is such an ass. I wanted to kill him. At least Edward was sarcastic. All Christian does is tell Ana what to do and gets upset when she doesn’t listen to him even though she hasn’t even signed that stupid contract yet so she doesn’t have to do anything that he tells her to do. *ahhhhhh
Let’s talk about the writing because it is where the book gets most of it’s flaws from. Sometimes when a book has something wrong with it, I can look over it because of either other characters or if the writing is good but Fifty Shades of Grey did not have good background characters or good writing. OR A PLOT! It’s just them having poorly written sex. And this book is like 500 pages long. Nothing happens in those 500 pages and the writing so super bad. The book repeats a lot of sentences and phrases even though it doesn’t need to. DO you know many times I read Ana say either Oh my, Control Freak, and that was so hot. There is one line where it says that Christian’s pants are hanging off his hips ‘in that way’….. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? There is also a lot of details given that aren’t need such as the fact that Christian has long fingers which you probably think ‘Um.. okay that’s just a character description authors do that all the time’ and yes they do but do they say this almost every other page???? Because this book does!!! Other details that aren’t need are Interstate Five which is mention more then once. The book tries to be sexy but that doesn’t happen as from terrible lines such as this one.
“I want you to become well acquainted, on first name terms if you will, with my favorite and well cherished part of the body. I’m very attached to it.”
I started laughing so hard when I read that line that my sister had to ask me what was wrong. There is another thing that bother which is the fact that Christian’s mother is happy to figure out that he isn’t gay…… which just adds to the fact that I already thought this book was homophobic. The Are you Gay question was already bad enough but EL James had to go a head and make this book more homophobic then it needs to be. Homosexuality isn’t a joke for something for you to make fun and fuck you for thinking that was funny. Just to add on the terribleness that was the book, Christian doesn’t let Ana pay for things then because he is the man and the man has to do these things and when she tries he excuses of robbing him of his masculinity……. I HATE THIS BOOK!!!
Let’s just talk about it the relationship in the book, it’s not healthy and it is super abusive. He tells her want to do, he controls her life even before they got together, he makes her feel bad for stuff that isn’t even her fault. To the people who will reply that it’s just BDSM well you are wrong as Ana isn’t into it, she is into him which is different. He puts her though so much pain and she isn’t into it, she just wants to have sex with him. That is not okay. I HATE THIS BOOK!!! WHY DO SO MANY PEOPLE LIKE IT! This book is terrible. It is so terrible that I can’t find the words to describe how bad it. Honestly one of my worst fears is that someone young will read this book and believe that this relationship is healthy. Have you guys read this book? If you have what did you think? Did you like it? I hope you guys liked because I thought it was great. I hope you enjoyed this post and make sure to look out for more coming your way soon. You should follow my book club here and other social media links. I posted rants like this once a week every week. Look out for more reviews and other random posts. Like, Comment, and follow for more rants like these! Also make sure to follow my social media links.
you know you love fiction,
Bookclub: Epic Adaptations
– Oh boy
– Pretty sure she didn’t decided this but okay
– As tribute?
– oh poor you! you have to drive!
– Like a chicken coup?
– Wow such important information
– Do you hate her? Do you love her? I can’t tell
– What a jump… a really weird jump to the next scene
– How is that funny?
– She went from funny to sad in like two seconds… girl needs to learn how to make fun of herself better
– You could have just asked
– Is this supposed to be funny?
– I know this is a real thing that people say but it does not fit here
– I think he is mocking you but okay
– Didn’t you try to do some research?
– Okay book you can’t just say that this girl is shy and then have you sassing this guy just like that
– Girl you have no idea
– Has he been doing that the whole time and the book just never mention it?
– I don’t know anything about business but I don’t believe any of this
– Are you like a sixty year old man? What is with that reaction?
– Again hard to believe this
– Is he smiling? Could we not just say that?
– Then are they really your friends?
– Girl you could have said no
– WE JUST HAD THIS CONVERSATION
– so he smiles but it’s not a real smile????
– Aren’t you supposed to be smart? Doing research on anything is like a basic thing to do and as an english major you should know this
– Again you can stop yourself from saying this shit! Also is this supposed to be funny?
– Has no one said your name before?
– Did she not say that already?
– You never have to do anything you don’t want to do
– I really want to react to this line because it’s really dumb but I can’t
-Again you could have said no!
– You did that before?
– What does this book have against blondes?
– There wasn’t even any humor here before
– Okay you are both lying! That was the most awkward thing I have ever read
– Dude she was being sarcastic
– Literally all she talks about is how uncomfortable he makes her feel weak and uncomfortable how is this a good relationship??
– Did she just orgasm at their fingers touching?
– Because nothing says sexy like exchanging names
– Did it just start raining or was it raining the whole time?
– Honey you just met, all he did was talk down to you, and make you feel uncomfortable that is not love!
– Again weird jump to the next and a little unneeded
– If he makes you feel this way THEN WHY DO YOU DATE HIM????
– Yes focus on the negatives
– GIRL ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME????
– Okay this is the second time you’ve mentioned this interstate and I’m beginning to think it’s a secondary character
– Girl you are driving!
– Focusing on driving! You know what I don’t care
– Because he is 107 years old… wait this isn’t twilight?
– Interstate 5 is my favorite character
– I thought freshmen had to live in dorms? Did she know Rosalie I mean Kate before she went to college?
– Okay who saves pajamas for just certain parts of their life? I would wear these pajamas all the time!
– This is a weird friendship
– YOU ARE FUCKING ENGLISH MAJOR YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO DO YOU OWN RESEARCH
– 107 years old
– Something tells me he’s been 27 for a while….
– Weird jump: a trilogy
-You know who else worked at a hardware store??? Bella Swan
– Weird scene jumping: jump strikes back
– Who the hell talks like this!!!
– Weird scene jumping 5: jumping back into actions
– Seriously? Not it’s not that hard
– Your heart races a lot you should go to a doctor
– She isn’t even pretending like this girl isn’t Bella
– Because you know as women we see one good looking man and suddenly bam we’re in love!
– My eyes hurt from rolling them so much
– *cough* homophobic *cough*
– Another weird jump…. great
– That was the first night I dreamed about Edward Cullen I mean Christian Grey
– Can there just be a smoother way of opening a new scene???
– Renee? Also is she shaming her own mother?
– You got that from I’m fine!
– I hate the fucking scene jumping just start started a new chapter
– The writing is so bad
– This is so problematic I can’t
-Even though I hate her I can relate to this sentence
– You keep using this word and I don’t think you’re using it right
– Sure Jan
– I hate this book and I’m only on the second chapter
– Sure Jan
– Because the book can’t just say Christian Grey smiled
– WHAT THE FUCK?
– I mean he is clearly stalking you but okay
– Because he is stalking you
– Again with that word!
– Is this some kinky foreshadowing thing?
– This is a normal question but she is acting like she just told him her deepest secret
– Trust me you’re not funny AT ALL
– The author write like one so it fits
– Weird description
-Why does always introduce her best friend like a million times?
– What’s a lost look?
– Mike Newton?
– Is everyone possessive about this girl?
– She finds the weirdest things attractive
– Pretends to be shocked
– Yes because he is stalking her!
– Unlike you she did her research
– No means no
– How is that sexy?
– I don’t know! How are you into this?
– Well that’s one way to describe a sex dream
– Yay weird details I don’t care about
– Someone is extra
– Really? It’s not think you haven’t said that a million times!
– Is this into hands?
– I do not understand this friendship
– Jacob….. Edward
– Because that’s nice
– No means no!
– George Takei
– Girl you were shipping this like a couple pages ago
– Yes you don’t support the relationship because you think she should stay human… wait this isn’t Twilight?
– The writing is so bad
– I mean no one says you have to get coffee
– How did they met? Because she said that they had been living in that apartment for all four years and normally freshman live in dorms? I’m so confused
– I don’t believe that
– Why would you think that?
– I mean same though
– What’s with this girl and fingers?
– No she shouldn’t
– Because he can’t read her mind…. yes I know this isn’t Twilight but come on!
– We have ready talked about this
– She is really judgmental
– How is this supposed to be funny?
– I honestly can’t tell if she likes her mother
– *cough* Carlisle and Esme *cough*
– *cough* Emmett and Alice *cough*
– Again with the smiling
– Just because he doesn’t have a girlfriend doesn’t mean he is gay
– How did you get over here so fast? I mean was that some version of the car stopping scene from Twilight???
– You shouldn’t be my friend omg this is so Twilight I can’t!
– It was an adrenaline rush you can Google it
– He wanted to turn her into a vampire Rosalie!
– Do you ship them? You were telling her not to see him and now you’re like he likes you? Stop flip flopping!
– I mean this is a weird way of describing dreams! Am I the only who feels this way? Is it just me?
– she acts younger than she is
– Thank you for repeating that
– Really? Because at some points it doesn’t seem like that
– Good point
– You’ve said that so many times
– Did we just have a scene where she goes to the bathroom??
– I hate you
– If she said No Way Jose that would have made the whole book
– Girl you haven’t done anything wrong
– It’s so hard for me to like this character
– No! I did not sign up for slut shaming
– What way?
– There is so many things wrong with this sentence but most importantly I don’t think that means what you think it means
-That doesn’t mean it’s okay
– What if I’m the bad guy?
– Stop treating her like a two year old
– She isn’t your property
– Omg no!
– Please don’t make me read about this girl masturbate
– You are such a shitty friend
– I think she was you ass!
– Can you just be original for two seconds?
– You don’t need to know!
– Obviously it just said it in the line before
– Jesus Christ
– I hate the writing
– Just because you can doesn’t mean you should
– You are so stupid
– Didn’t you already say this line?
– Yeah that’s your name
– Jesus Christ
– Yes thanks for that information
– Yeah what
– He is trying to be nice
– Hahahaha how is this supposed to be cute?
– You are so stupid
– Okay book let me give you a lesson. According to the internet he can’t do this. A dominant can’t just chase after someone and make them a submissive, That is a wrong. Also a submissive has to be into BDSM which she is not
– They are the same person
– Shut up
– I have a hard time believing any of this
– Okay she doesn’t have to do anything she doesn’t want to
– *looks up like jim from the office*
– You are such an ass
– Good question
– oh come on
– she is not into it!
– I laughed so hard I started crying
– Of course she has my name
– You are the worse
– Dude she is not hungry
– I hate you
– I know the fact that he was abused is supposed to make him look better but it doesn’t excuse his behavior
– If he forces her to eat one more time…
– Insert Twilight joke I’m too lazy to write
– She is making it sound like Ana is special
– Tone? Dude this is an email
– Interstate 5
– Omg Carlisle
– Thank you for repeating that for 100th time
– This is not romantic
– Really? Mom if you’re reading this please be nothing like the mom in this book
– HOW IS THIS OKAY???
– No he doesn’t
– Ummm okay
– You aren’t asked
– Yeah thank goodness
– IT’S OVER